When Your Spouse Doesn't Support You

Without the support of a spouse, direct sellers can struggle in their business. With their spouse's support they believe it would be easier for them to make forward strides in their business. 

However, wishing for something that seems to be missing fails to ever make a difference. The key in such a situation is to look for why the support might be missing. So let's take a closer look at a direct selling business to consider what could cause a spouse to withhold his/her support.

One of the biggest differences in being a salesperson for a direct selling company and being a salesperson at a traditional company storefront is the financial compensation structure.

While your income potential can be considerably higher by working for a direct selling company, you do not earn anything until you sell something. If you work at a traditional storefront, you may only earn a minimal wage, but you get paid for every hour that you work, regardless of whether you sell a boatload or nothing at all.

If a spouse is more accustomed to a traditional work setting, he/she could easily view your situation as unfair. After all, that spouse sees you working hours without getting paid and might worry that you are somehow being taken advantage of.

From that perspective you can see how their seeming lack of support of you in your business could stem from their support of you as an individual. In other words, they want to protect you from getting hurt. While this is not always the case, it is interesting just how often it is.

If that is the case, any complaint that you utter about your business will only increase your spouse's concern and decrease his/her support of you in your business. But think about this... most people complain to the people who love them the most (After all, it's usually pretty safe to complain to the ones who love us)! If you are someone who feels like your spouse does not support you, take a closer look at what you say and do that might exacerbate that experience.

In business and in life, we cannot control other people's thoughts, feelings, and reactions; we can only control our own. And because we are in control of our thoughts, feelings, and reactions, we can take full responsibility for them. When we take full responsibility for ourselves, we break free of being victims and new possibilities emerge.

In this particular situation, we can take responsibility by clearly communicating to a spouse the type of support we want and need. Keep in mind that complaining fails to communicate what you want and need. If you say to your spouse, "You never support me in this business," you are not clearly communicating what support would look like to you. Take responsibility for what you need by being clear in your communication.

When you take full responsibility for your communication you are likely to discover that your own inauthenticity gets in the way of clear communication. When you get truly authentic with yourself, you begin to see what's preventing the support you desire.

Yes, when you get truly authentic you're likely to discover that you are the one who fails to support yourself!

Years ago I felt my husband was completely unsupportive of me when it came to financial matters. It seemed like all he ever did was complain about how much money I spent. I resented how he complained while never doing any of the shopping. In my mind, he had no right to complain.

One day, however, I dared to get completely authentic with myself, and what I discovered shocked me. I discovered that the real reason I was always so defensive whenever we had a conversation about money was because in my heart I didn't really believe I was a good money manager.

After that discovery, I chose to be completely vulnerable by opening up to my husband and telling him, "The real reason I get so defensive about money isn't because of you. The real reason I get so defensive is because every time you express concern or doubt about the way I spend money, it only confirms the thoughts that I have about myself - that I'm not good with money, and that I don't know how to manage our finances properly."

That authentic and clear communication made it possible for us to have an amazing conversation about money for the first time in our lives together. Instead of screaming at one another, we ended up in each other's arms, and my husband said something to me that I will remember for the rest of my life. He shared how he thought that I was amazing at managing our money and that the fears he had were all about himself and not about me.

What if it is not your spouse's lack of support that's stopping you from success? What if the lack of support you feel only confirms the doubts and misgivings you have about yourself? I encourage you to take a deeper look at the things for which you can take full responsibility - your own thoughts, feelings, and reactions.

When you take responsibility for your thoughts, feelings, and reactions, you simultaneously take full responsibility for your business and your life, which opens the floodgate of transformation to occur!